This is definately not a historical ballad. "The Bastard King of England" is a bawdy English folk song commonly misattributed to Rudyard Kipling, or less commonly Tennyson, Charles Dickens, Walt Whitman, and Charles Whistler. The earliest known appearance of the song was in 1927. The song has several characters: an unnamed Queen of Spain, a French king named Phillip and the "Count of Zippity-Zap" who gives the Queen a "dose of the clap". The song has a number of historical inaccuracies, since the last French king named Phillip died in the 14th century and Spain would not become a united kingdom until the 15th. According to Ed Cray, author of Bawdy Ballads, "As the story goes, Rudyard Kipling wrote 'The Bastard King of England' (pronounced En-ga-land') and that authorship cost him his poet laureate's knighthood. It is too bad that the attribution is apparently spurious; 'The Bastard King' would undoubtedly be Kipling's most popular work." As with most of the songs in this section, I learned it from Oscar Brand.