Lyrics:
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Oh, the minstrels sing of an English King of many long years ago
Who ruled his land with an iron hand though his mind was weak and low.
He love to shag the royal stag that roamed the royal wood,
But better yet to lie in bed and pull the royal pud.
His only outer garment was a dirty undershirt
That managed to hide the royal pride but couldn't hide the dirt.
Chorus:
He was dirty and lousy and full of fleas
And his bloody big tool hung down to his knees
God bless the Bastard king of England.
Oh, the Queen of Spain was an amorous Jane,
A lacivious wench was she;
Who loved to fool with the royal tool
Of the King across the sea.
So she sent a royal message by a royal messenger
To ask the King to bring his ding and spend a night in her.
(Cho.)
When Philip of France heard it, by chance
He declared, before his court:
"The Queen prefers my rival, because my dong is short."
So he sent for the Count of Zippity-Zap to slip the Queen a dose of the clap
To pass along to the Bastard King of England.
(Cho.)
When the King of England heard of this, he was walking through his halls
And he up and swore by the royal whore he'd have the Frenchman's balls
He offered half the royal purse and a piece of Queen Hortense
To any British subject who'd de-ball the King of France.
(Cho.)
Well the Earl of Sussex jumped on jis horse and straight-way fode to France
Where he swore he was a fairy, so the King let down his pants,
He knotted a thong around that prong, and jumped on his horse, and rode along
Dragging the Frenchman back to Merrie England.
(Cho.)
When the King of England saw this sight, he shit all over the floor,
For during the ride, his rival's hide had stretched a yard or more
Then the merry maids of England, came down from London town
And shouted 'round the battlements "To Hell with the British crown!"
So Philip of France usurped the throne, his scepter was the royal bone
By which he'd bitched the bastard King of England!
(Cho.)
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